TRANSLATING WOMEN’S ENGLISH
TRANSLATING WOMEN’S ENGLISH
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
We need = I want
I’m sorry = you’ll be sorry
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure…go ahead = I don’t want you to
Is my bum big? = Tell me I’m beautiful
Do what you want = you’ll pay for this later
I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!
Are you listening to me?? = Too late, you’re dead
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
You’re so… manly = you need a shave and you sweat a lot
Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive
It’s your decision = the correct decision should be obvious by now
You’re certainly attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about??
I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
How much do you love me? = I did something today that you’re really not going to like
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TRANSLATING MEN’S ENGLISH
I’m hungry = I’m hungry
I’m sleepy = I’m sleepy
I’m tired = I’m tired
Nice dress = Great tits!
I love you = let’s have sex now
I’m bored = Do you want to have sex?
What’s wrong = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
I love you, too = Okay, I said it…we’d better have sex now!
May I have this dance? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d eventually like to have sex with you
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you in the next ten minutes
Let’s talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you’d like to have sex with me
I don’t think those shoes go with that outfit = I am gay